Well.

I’ve been pretty much out of commission this week, the side effects from the anti-depressants were really kicking my ass. Two days in a row with no nausea, I’m going to call that a win.

Let me tell you about my hyperactive dog.

Buffy is a purebred German Shepherd, a very sweet girl, and she weighs 35 kilos (77 lbs) at 19 months. She is also, unfortunately, a very stressed dog. It takes very little to get her wound up, to the point where the only way to calm her down is put her in her crate. She can’t calm down on her own. Last night we went to see a vet who is a behavioral specialist. I had to fill out a 10 page questionnaire on Buffy before our appointment, and he spent over an hour observing her, and talking to me. The owner of the doggy daycare had also emailed the vet her observations of Buffy’s behavior, which I thought was really outstanding of her to take the time to do that for my dog.

Stephen and I weren’t allowed to see her parents, or visit with the puppies before they were ready to go home. The vet surmised that part of the reason was one (or both) of her parents are also hyper dogs.

Dogs grieve, too. I know she is missing Stephen, looking for him, just as I am. The stress of the past year has affected her too, and stress kills. In the long list of things I have neglected over the past few months, my dog has to come at the top of that list. But, you know, I can’t feel guilty for that…I know I did the best I could for her while barely functioning.

Today I feel as if the fog is beginning to lift. I feel ready, almost, to pick up the reins of my life, and get my shit together. I look at the long road ahead, and it just exhausts me…but I can do one day at a time. I now understand ‘one day at a time’.

In addition to training tips and relaxation techniques, the vet prescribed medication for Buffy. My dog and I are both on anti-depressants. I have to laugh at that, to keep from crying.

I’m going to concentrate my energies in the near future on helping my dog have a better life.

I think, though, that she will also help me see my way clear.