In replying to a comment left on another entry, I started thinking about this subject. My journal here is certainly very cathartic for me. It allows me to bring out the thoughts and feelings swirling around inside. It’s a way of opening a window and letting some light in. And in doing this, I lance the wound…my tears fall as I write. Did I mention how very exhausting this work of grief is? If this were a journal kept on paper, the pages would be spotted, the ink running where my tears hit.
The professional suggested another way for me to get the feelings out. What I do is pick a spot where he always sat, and speak to it as if he were there. Just say whatever is on my heart at that moment. The first time I did this, I was shocked at how effective it was. The tears it brought up were cleansing, in a way. Instead of the burning hot painful ones I usually cry. I was so wrung out after, I had to go take a nap.
Yesterday I lay on my bed and had a good cry. I had to displace the cats first – or try at any rate, Puck wasn’t going anywhere. He’s nearly 8 kilos, I didn’t have the strength to fight the big lump. He curled up behind my knees while I made hurt animal sounds, and after the storm passed I could feel him purring there. The animals comfort me in their own ways. Buffy has started licking my arm, trying to comfort me as she would a puppy. I feel lighter after these sessions. Not better, just…as if I’ve gotten rid of something that was weighing me down.
Catharsis is defined as “the purging of the emotions or relieving of emotional tensions”. It took some time for me to understand how necessary the purging is. I bottled it up for months. It stunted my growth, so to speak. I didn’t address any of it for months, and it was the wrong thing to do. It’s certainly easier, not dealing with the grief, but it’s not at all realistic. My grief needs to be dealt with, I need to purge the sorrow. Or as much of it as I can…a bit of it will always be with me, this sorrow.
I’m coming to realize that none of this ever goes away. You just beat it down to a manageable level…where I can notice the world around me, and want to take part in it again. Someday.
I just realized something…catharsis is another way of letting go, isn’t it?
I love this subject of catharsis…also the realization that the sorrow from grief never really goes away. Just becomes more manageable. Beautiful, honest, post. Thank you.
You’re very welcome…and thank you for reading, and taking the time to share your thoughts.
Catharsis, aside from being a brilliantly slippery word on the tongue, is–to me–a full soul work out akin to hitting the gym full-tilt. It is a clearing and a healing and most definitely a letting go.
Just hang on to the knowledge that letting go of the pain doesn’t mean you have to let go of your memories. And here’s to pets. Mine have done similar things for me. Although my dog STOLE the stuffed animal I was hugging during one of my crying jags. Oh yes he did. Made me laugh though.
Hmmm. Maybe that was his intention all along?
Thank you so much, that is so astute-letting go of the pain doesn’t mean you have to let go of your memories…I’m going to have to give that a lot of thought. I love the internet! I’m stumbling around in the dark, and someone comes along and hands me a flashlight. Thank you, thank you.
It was part of my worst fear when Mama died. That if I stopped grieving for her, I might lose her altogether. That terror was overwhelming and would wake me up at night. Glad you found that useful. Don’t forget to pick up extra batteries!
Yes, and the pain keeps him close somehow.
well if you can begin to let the pain go, then you can beging to see a future for yourself, he will always be in your life, and maybe you can begin to see a life without him physically present…but there close to you,,,if only in your heart and memories
yes, I’m beginning to realize that…but the problem is I’m not ready to just have my memories.
but you have much more than that….love lasts forever, security and peace are gifts given to you by him even after he is not here anymore