I am so lonely right now.
I have friends who care, but my other half isn’t there for me to lean on. That is the hardest thing- for me- to adjust to…Stephen’s not there to have my back. I turn to him all the time, still, and it’s always a surprise when he isn’t there.
I had my future planned. Growing old with the man I love. Now that’s been taken from me, I don’t have the wherewithal to plan a new one for myself. I don’t really care to. There isn’t much I do care about. I make it through the days, and do the things I need to. But I could NOT care less about any of it.
I miss my husband. All day, every day. I just really, really miss him. It’s sunk in, I think, that he’s not coming back. I don’t have the crutch of magical thinking anymore, and it really hurts. A friend sent me a link : Grief CAN kill you.
We think that what is going on is that even in previously healthy people are becoming very depressed and this has a powerful effect on the immune system.
I know that grief is kicking my ass right now. My body feels as if it has taken a pummeling – so I’m not at all surprised to know that there are studies to prove it.
I know that it’s possible to die of a broken heart, I don’t need scientists to tell me that.